One more feather in my Sight-seeing cap

So, after more than 33 years, I finally saw one of those famous (at least by local standards) Paul Bunyan/Babe the Blue Ox statues. Specifically, my wife, son and I stopped by the one in Bemidji near the shores of the lake with the same name. We didn’t trek up north with the purpose of seeing Paul. In fact, I didn’t even think we’d be going into Bemidji. But we went camping about a half hour away and, since the weather was its usual self (crappy), we spent the day exploring this outpost of civilization.

And if that’s not enough local culture, get this: the very next day, as we drove home, we stopped for lunch in the town of Hackensack:

Turns out, this is the city where Paul’s girlfriend beckons from. So, we also got a chance to see the slightly less-tall and slightly less-popular Lucette statue.
(Okay, so Lucette isn't exactly what I'd term a "pretty face", but I think if I was a twenty foot tall guy, she'd have a certain appeal that most other ladies would lack. Go Paul!)

All this local culture got me thinking: why is it that locals never explore their own area? Oh, I’m sure some do, but isn’t it funny how people will make huge travel plans to go across the globe and see the Eiffel Tower, yet never bother walk across town to the local museum? It’s like the shoemaker’s kids who went barefoot. I remember being in New York City once, and I asked my friend (who had lived there for over a year) if he’d ever gone to visit the UN. He said he hadn’t, and I was stunned.

But maybe I shouldn’t have been. After all, what have I seen of my own state?

Here, then, is a list of notable landmarks and tourist attractions (I hate that term, but, oh well) that I’ve visited here in the Great State of Sky Blue Waters:
*Duluth Lift Bridge
*The Metrodome (Twins games and a U2 concert!)
*The Bemidji Paul Bunyan
*The State Fair
*The Minnesota Zoo
*The Mall of America (God, I even worked there)
*Minnehaha Falls
*Split Rock Lighthouse
*Lake Superior
*The Mayo Clinic
*Gooseberry Falls
(And, I’m not sure if these are as significant, but here are some other sights I’ve seen in our state: The Duluth Zoo, The Skyway System, The U of M, Summit/Grand neighborhood, Lake Mille Lacs, The St. Croix River, The Minnesota River, The Oliver Kelley Farm, Murphy’s Landing, The Glensheen Mansion, Valley Fair, The Lock and Dam system on the Mississippi, the Science Museum, Landmark Center, Rice Park and that shitty Great Lakes Museum in Duluth.)

But here’s what I’ve missed:
*Voyageur’s National Park
*Angle Islet
*The Minneapolis Sculpture Gardens (Yes, I’ve seen that spoon/cherry thing from the road, but I’ve never been there)
*The IDS Tower (again, I’ve seen it, but I’ve never gone inside)
*The Mississippi River headwaters
*Fort Snelling (God, I can’t believe it – it’s right stinkin’ there, and I’ve never visited)
*The Foshay Tower
*The Spam Museum (Okay, I’m not sure this qualifies as ‘notable’, but I am curious)
*The State Capitol
*The James J. Hill House
*The Como Conservatory (Even my son has one up on me here – and he’s only 1/10th my age)
*The Brainerd Paul Bunyan

Have I missed anything of significance? I gotta start seeing more sites…

(Am I the only one who thinks this is a bit macabre for a family-friendly park? Kind of reminds me of Abraham and Isaac.)

Happy Birthday To Me

Today marks #33. I've outlived Anne Frank, Lady Jane Grey, Billy the Kid, Patsy Cline, Buddy Holly, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Bruce Lee and Alexander the Great. Jesus, in two months, I'll have even outlived John Belushi. Speaking of Jesus, I'm set to overtake his age by year's end, too.

So, I will combine my love of birthdays with my love of list-making. Here's a list of every birthday I can remember, and how I celebrated it...

5 years old - Last day of preschool. It was career day. I dressed up as a doctor.

11 years old - My Golden Birthday! This was the last day of 5th grade, in which I won an award for perfect attendance (probably the least-proud of any award I've ever gotten). It was raining all day, and after trudging home from the bus stop, I asked my mom if I could go play with one of the neighborhood kids, just to have something fun to do. She said no. Bookstudy that night.

18 years old - My high school graduation ceremony was held on this day, so I definitely did not go there. Instead, I attended my friend Jeremy's graduation ceremony along with our mutual friend Andy. Afterwards, we went back over to his parents' place for a barbecue. That evening, I did what every 18yr old male in this sexist country must do, I registered.

21 years old - Had dinner with my fiance' and with my friend Nick at the Applebee's at Snelling and University (which is no longer there). Ordered my first drink...in America. Since, only six months prior, I had been in Germany and ordered enough alcohol to last a decade, this wasn't such a big deal.

24 years old - Took a plane ride to Dallas compliments of the American Board of Optometry.

30 years old - Dropped my 4-week old son off with his Grammie. Then, Jennifer, Stan, Kara, Nick (not the same Nick as above) and I went to the theater to see "Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith".

32 - Blew out canldes on a cake & made a wish for the first time.

For the past several years, I keep having this idea that I'm going to blow out enough candles to make up for a lifetime of not blowing out candles. This gets increasingly ridiculous with each passing year. I'll have to plan that one out real well. Maybe next year.

Media Whore

Sometimes, I find myself in a place or predicament, and I wonder what choices I have made in life that led up this point. It's kind of a fun little game I play in my mind to keep me interested in life. Like the time I found myself walking out of a job I'd have for 7 years. Or the time I was sitting in my office tape recording a phone conversation. Or the time I was leading a state trooper on a high speed chase. Okay, so that last one hasn't happened. Yet.

The most recent time I had such a thought, was last night. For the first time since the morning of December 17, 2006, I was wearing a necktie. I was sitting on a chair, in front of 3 cameras, interviewing a doctor of theology. How do I get into these sort of things? Beats me.

The show was "Atheist Talk", and it airs once a month on various obscure cable channels. The podcast will be made available here: . We filmed two episodes, one in which I interviewed Dr. Steves as he discussed a "Thought Driven Life" and another as he addressed the topic of studying the bible as literature in the public school system. And where was the shows normal host? Well, that would be Dr. Steves, and since he couldn't very well interview himself, I was recruited for the job. I think I came across very wooden, rigid and nonconversational - a lot like I am in real life. All in all, though, a pretty good time and a fun experience (even if I did have to don a phallic symbol around my neck).

Oh, here's proof:
I'm the guy on the right, feigning interest.

The sweat on my brow is not, as you might assume, from the lights. No, it's from the heat of hell's flames, which reach pretty high on this set.

This is smarmyness.

Why hasn't anyone told me what a bufoon I look like with my legs crossed like that?

Random Stuff

1. So, I was with a friend the other day, and we got into his car to drive to a local burger place. On the way, I said: "Oh, you need to make a right up at the next light, so get in the other lane". He complied, but then - oh no! - that lane ended. "Oops," I said, "I guess you have to get back over. He sped up slightly and swerved back into the left lane...only to be pulled over by a policeman.

The cop asked if my friend knew why he had been pulled over. My friend admitted to changing lanes rather abruptly, but then I piped up and explained it was my fault for giving him such poor directions. The cop said told my friend that he had been speeding (by going about 38mph in a 35!) and that he must have been inattentive because he didn't stop as soon as the cop flashed on his lights.

This last bit was really rather stupid. Who does pull over as soon as cops turn on their lights? Certainly not me, because I don't drive down the highway staring into my rearview mirror. In fact, I couldn't care less what's behind me.

At any rate, the cop took his license & proof of insurance and walked back to his car. When he returned, he said: "Well, what would you do if you were me?" This has got to be one of the toughest questions a person can answer. Do you say: "Well, I'd let me go because I really didn't do anything wrong and you just seem out for blood", or do you say, "why don't you arrest me now before I escalate into a life of serial killings and downloading music.

What would you say if that was you?


2. So I took advantage of my company's on-site oil change service a few weeks back. The way it works is, you stick your key and a check in these little mailboxes, and when you leave at the end of the day, you retrieve your key which is now accompanied by a receipt.

As I walked to my car, I unfurled my receipt and noticed this statement: "Clipboard on floor found between radiator and frame". Yes, it means exactly what it said. When I got in my car, there was indeed a clipboard sitting on my floor. It was mangled and warped from temperature extremes & it had a coating of engine dust on it. It was from an automotive shop I used to frequent when I lived up north. Turns out, back in November, when I went in there to have my brakes worked on, someone must have shoved the clipboard in between the engine and the frame, and then forgot about it. So it languished there for six months.


3. My wife, son and I were eating dinner at a sandwich shop when a very haggard looking individual came up and handed me a very haggard looking sheet of paper. The paper said he was in a band and that he was trying to save up money to take a bus ride to New Orleans where his big band would be competing with other jazz bands in a tournament. Oh, and did I mention the guy was deaf? Anyway, I showed my wife the note and asked if she thought we should give him anything. My first reaction is that such people are scam artists, but I also saw my son was enamored with the man's signing, and I didn't want my son to think (know) that I am a cheap bastard. My wife said: "If you want", so I pulled out my wallet and found a one dollar bill, a five dollar bill and about six twenty dollar bills. The deaf guy saw the contents of my wallet, and knew he probably thought I had way too much money for my own good. So I gave the guy my five dollar bill. The whole evening I felt like he took advantage of me.

Later that night, we walked around a lake, and I gave a street musician my one dollar bill just for soothing us with his accordian.

Anyways, I know some people believe in that Oprah-sanctioned pay-it-forward stuff, so if you think such altruism is inevitably reciprocated by the world, I've got a good one for you: the next day, I arrived at work and one of my co-workers approached me. She handed me a five dollar gift card to Caribou Coffee. See, I had attended a work-related seminar the day before, where they held drawings for door prizes at the end of the day. I, however, did not stay for the drawings, but seem to have still won something.

See? In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make!

Sorry for any incoherence / spelling snafus here. I just downed a 16-oz bottle of beer and am quite buzzed.