Media Whore

Sometimes, I find myself in a place or predicament, and I wonder what choices I have made in life that led up this point. It's kind of a fun little game I play in my mind to keep me interested in life. Like the time I found myself walking out of a job I'd have for 7 years. Or the time I was sitting in my office tape recording a phone conversation. Or the time I was leading a state trooper on a high speed chase. Okay, so that last one hasn't happened. Yet.

The most recent time I had such a thought, was last night. For the first time since the morning of December 17, 2006, I was wearing a necktie. I was sitting on a chair, in front of 3 cameras, interviewing a doctor of theology. How do I get into these sort of things? Beats me.

The show was "Atheist Talk", and it airs once a month on various obscure cable channels. The podcast will be made available here: . We filmed two episodes, one in which I interviewed Dr. Steves as he discussed a "Thought Driven Life" and another as he addressed the topic of studying the bible as literature in the public school system. And where was the shows normal host? Well, that would be Dr. Steves, and since he couldn't very well interview himself, I was recruited for the job. I think I came across very wooden, rigid and nonconversational - a lot like I am in real life. All in all, though, a pretty good time and a fun experience (even if I did have to don a phallic symbol around my neck).

Oh, here's proof:
I'm the guy on the right, feigning interest.

The sweat on my brow is not, as you might assume, from the lights. No, it's from the heat of hell's flames, which reach pretty high on this set.

This is smarmyness.

Why hasn't anyone told me what a bufoon I look like with my legs crossed like that?

Random Stuff

1. So, I was with a friend the other day, and we got into his car to drive to a local burger place. On the way, I said: "Oh, you need to make a right up at the next light, so get in the other lane". He complied, but then - oh no! - that lane ended. "Oops," I said, "I guess you have to get back over. He sped up slightly and swerved back into the left lane...only to be pulled over by a policeman.

The cop asked if my friend knew why he had been pulled over. My friend admitted to changing lanes rather abruptly, but then I piped up and explained it was my fault for giving him such poor directions. The cop said told my friend that he had been speeding (by going about 38mph in a 35!) and that he must have been inattentive because he didn't stop as soon as the cop flashed on his lights.

This last bit was really rather stupid. Who does pull over as soon as cops turn on their lights? Certainly not me, because I don't drive down the highway staring into my rearview mirror. In fact, I couldn't care less what's behind me.

At any rate, the cop took his license & proof of insurance and walked back to his car. When he returned, he said: "Well, what would you do if you were me?" This has got to be one of the toughest questions a person can answer. Do you say: "Well, I'd let me go because I really didn't do anything wrong and you just seem out for blood", or do you say, "why don't you arrest me now before I escalate into a life of serial killings and downloading music.

What would you say if that was you?


2. So I took advantage of my company's on-site oil change service a few weeks back. The way it works is, you stick your key and a check in these little mailboxes, and when you leave at the end of the day, you retrieve your key which is now accompanied by a receipt.

As I walked to my car, I unfurled my receipt and noticed this statement: "Clipboard on floor found between radiator and frame". Yes, it means exactly what it said. When I got in my car, there was indeed a clipboard sitting on my floor. It was mangled and warped from temperature extremes & it had a coating of engine dust on it. It was from an automotive shop I used to frequent when I lived up north. Turns out, back in November, when I went in there to have my brakes worked on, someone must have shoved the clipboard in between the engine and the frame, and then forgot about it. So it languished there for six months.


3. My wife, son and I were eating dinner at a sandwich shop when a very haggard looking individual came up and handed me a very haggard looking sheet of paper. The paper said he was in a band and that he was trying to save up money to take a bus ride to New Orleans where his big band would be competing with other jazz bands in a tournament. Oh, and did I mention the guy was deaf? Anyway, I showed my wife the note and asked if she thought we should give him anything. My first reaction is that such people are scam artists, but I also saw my son was enamored with the man's signing, and I didn't want my son to think (know) that I am a cheap bastard. My wife said: "If you want", so I pulled out my wallet and found a one dollar bill, a five dollar bill and about six twenty dollar bills. The deaf guy saw the contents of my wallet, and knew he probably thought I had way too much money for my own good. So I gave the guy my five dollar bill. The whole evening I felt like he took advantage of me.

Later that night, we walked around a lake, and I gave a street musician my one dollar bill just for soothing us with his accordian.

Anyways, I know some people believe in that Oprah-sanctioned pay-it-forward stuff, so if you think such altruism is inevitably reciprocated by the world, I've got a good one for you: the next day, I arrived at work and one of my co-workers approached me. She handed me a five dollar gift card to Caribou Coffee. See, I had attended a work-related seminar the day before, where they held drawings for door prizes at the end of the day. I, however, did not stay for the drawings, but seem to have still won something.

See? In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make!

Sorry for any incoherence / spelling snafus here. I just downed a 16-oz bottle of beer and am quite buzzed.

"Goblet" is Just a Fancy Word for "Mug"

So, my quest to complete the enjoyable but non-spectacular Harry Potter series took a turn for the worse with book Four, also known as the Goblet of Fire.

What I enjoyed about the first three books was the all-encompassing universe, and how all the little threads of story lines come together in the end. I have been led to believe, by fans and casual readers alike, that the first three books are simply fun children's tales...it's the final four books - all more than double the length of any of the first three - that are darker and more engaging. Maybe Goblet suffers from middle-child syndrome.

In Goblet of Fire (and don't worry, I won't wreck anything for those of you who haven't read it yet), we are first forced to sit through a book-within-a-book about the Quidditch World Cup. Of course, this world cup is never even mentioned in the earlier books, and the reader knows nothing about any of the teams...so, though the several chapters about the world cup do drop hints of the later, more important plot, the sporting event itself, and the many details provided are completely uninteresting.

Finally, Harry and his young friends start the school year, eagerly wondering about a special surpise they've heard about. And here's the surprise: students from two other schools will be competing in various wizarding contests along with Hogwart's (that's Harry school) for a tri-wizard cup. These competitions are so dangerous and life-threatening, that the schools agreed the cancel the competitions 100 years earlier. Sounds exciting, but then we find out that only one student from each school can compete (meaning that dozens of students from the visiting schools just sit around all year and waste a year of their education – I’m not joking here)! So, naturally, we assume the competitor from Hogwarts will be Harry, right? Wrong! Only students 17 years of age and older (Harry’s only 14) can participate. This leaves out not only Harry, but also, Ron, Hermoine, Ginny, Fred, George, Neville and pretty much every other character we’ve come to love out of the running. But wait – there’s more! The yearly quidditch games, which we actually do care about (since we’ve come to know the teams and players) is entirely cancelled. You know, because one student will be soooo busy with three challenges (yep, just three) that no one else will have time to play their favorite sport AT ALL. Additional, the inter-house championship is also evidently cancelled; or, at least, it receives nary a word in “Goblet”

As you might have guessed (and I guessed it on about page 6), Harry nevertheless manages to become the competitor from his school (and, to make things confusing, the competitors are called “champions”). How does he do it? Well, we don’t know. And neither does Harry. It seems someone else has put his name into the aforementioned goblet. But wait – isn’t Harry too young? Yes, but once the goblet chooses a player, you can’t say no. Hey, isn’t Harry worried he’s gonna die, seeing how he’s so young and inexperienced compared to the other champions? Well, yes, but he HAS to play…because some stupid cup told him he has to play. Aren’t the other students crying foul because Harry got to play and they didn’t? Again, yes, but how can you say no to a goblet? Did I mention it’s a freakin’ goblet?

Now, I don’t know about you, but if I was forced to participate in an activity that A) I wasn’t too thrilled about in the first place; B) caused my peers to harass me and; C) might just cost me my life, I would do the most half-assed job ever (I know because this always happened in gym class). So when Harry has to battle a dragon, and he’s afraid that he’ll get killed, instead of just running to the other side, or collapsing on the ground stating he didn’t want to play anyway, he actually goes through all the motions of preparing, cheating and trying…just like all the real champions do.

Harry's heart, though, just isn't in it. In fact, it's not in anything. When it comes time for the Christmas Ball, Harry doesn't even want to go. Actually, it's funny anyone even goes, because Hogwart's, like most schools, is nearly deserted during the Xmas break as all the students have gone home for break. Inexplicably, no one bothers going home this year. Anyway, Harry doesn't want to go to the dance, but his dorm master reminds him that it's tradition for the school champion to 'open the dance'. What? How can there be a tradition if there hasn't been a tri-wizard challenge in 100 years, and if there's never been a Xmas dance before? And why doesn't Harry jsut say: "You know what? I didn't volunteer for your stupid competition, so why don't you get some other yes-boy to do your bidding?" Who knows.

Each individual task is exciting enough, but there’s only three of them, and they are separated by months, the last one even occurring in late June. (How long is Hogwart’s school year?! Nevermind, in this book, it makes no sense.)

How does it end? Well, I don’t want to ruin the ‘excitement’ for you, but, suffice it to say, it ends up not even mattering. Ha! Take that loyal readers of 700 pages! In the end, the dunces at Hogwarts send the boy you love to hate back with his abusive uncle and aunt…for the fourth time.

If “Order of the Pheonix” sucks as bad as “Goblet of Crap”, I won’t be completing the series.

Sorcerer’s Stone…B+
Chamber of Secrets…B-
Prisoner of Azkaban…B
Goblet of Fire…C-

To the Reading of Many Books There is No End

Ever since we moved to the new apartment and bought a new book shelf, I’ve been very aware that I have a lot of books to get through.

Through a series of fortunate events, I’ve come to own several books that I haven’t even read yet. I received a gift certificate to a book store for my birthday, and then another one on our anniversary, and then two more at xmas. I also attended a conference for chromatographers, where I won another gift certificate. At another conference I attended (See below), it was all I could do to limit myself to the three books that I did buy. And then Half-priced Books sent me a “25% off any one item” coupon…and how could I pass that up?

So I created a list of all the books on our bookshelf that I own, but haven’t read yet.

There are 19 books on the list.

But wait! There’s more! That list doesn’t include the five books I am currently reading. Five books…who reads five books at once? Well, I didn’t intend for that to happen, it just did.

There is, of course, the main book I am reading right now: the recent book from Lawrence Krauss (see his picture below). Did I mention that it’s an autographed copy?

But then there’s also the book on the history of tea that I keep at work & read during my lunch breaks. And then there’s Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader – a book specifically designed to be utilized while relaxing on the toilet. The book’s been sitting on top of the toilet for over two years and I’m not even half way through with it (primarily because I usually bring another book with me when venturing to the privy). I am also listening to the entire Harry Potter series while driving. And, finally, there’s a small book I keep in the other car to read on the rare occasion when I am not driving. As it is a book detailing the origin of Minnesota place names, somehow it seems fitting to read it while in the car.

I hope to tackle the majority of these books in the next few months. Lately, a few new projects have entered my life and I’d like to give them more time.

Will write more soon …I’m off to the library now.

Amazing Prophecy Proves Watchtower Society is One True Channel to God!

Recently, I had yet another discussion with a relative concerning religion. Specifically, he contended that everything he believed was completely true and unfalsifiable while everything I believed was in error.

After pointing out to him the incorrect Watchtower teaching of a global flood, and that Jerusalem was not destroyed in 607 b.c., he invited me to find faith in the bible (and, by extension, the Watchtower Society) by invoking the power of prophecy. My cousin asked about the bible prophecy in which it was foretold that Babylon would be uninhabited. Today, he said, it’s not inhabited…viola!...the bible is inspired by God.

This is one of about ten prophecies that are touted out by Witnesses in an effort to prove the divinity of the bible. Though my cousin couldn’t recall where in the bible this was located, he was talking about Isaiah 13:19-22.

I explained to my cousin that this prophecy - if it was even written when the Watchtower Society claims it was written (doubtful) - isn’t really that amazing anyway. I said: “That’s like if I prophecy that New York City will be uninhabited in the year 2808. It probably will be! That doesn’t mean I’m a prophet!”

But he said: “No, it’s more like if you said New York won’t be inhabited five years from now and then your prophecy comes true.”

Like most Witnesses, my cousin hereby revealed that he doesn’t even know the very teachings he has dedicated his life to. The Watchtower claims Isaiah wrote his book around the year 800 b.c. And I informed my cousin that the Apostle Peter wrote the book 1 Peter while in Babylon some 900 years later – thereby proving it was still inhabited. My cousin doubted my words, but I gave him a specific Watchtower reference that would show I was correct.

“In fact,” I added, “Babylon was still inhabited 1,200 years after that prophecy.” I told him it was very likely that most cities now in existence would be gone 1,200 years from now. He disagreed, stating that most cities last for a long, long time. Babylon, he asserted, is highly unusual.

Again, he’s basing his faith (and entire way of life) around something he has not taken the time to investigate. Memphis, Carthage, Nineveh, Troy, Ur, Kish, Herculaneum, Et-tell (better known as Ai) are all cities that, in their day, were booming metropolises and, now, are completely sans citizens.

And here’s a whole article about ghost towns – most of which were inhabited 100 years ago.

And here’s a city that has gone from booming to uninhabited in my own lifetime.

And here’s the real kicker…part of the prophecy stipulated that Babylon would never be inhabited again, but it may become a city in the near future!

Even the Watchtower Society is worried about this development. Back in 1957, they confidently asserted : “Many cities are conquered and destroyed and yet are rebuilt. But not so with Babylon” (W 9/15/57, page 555).

Forty years later, they changed their tune: “Any restoration of Babylon as a tourist attraction might lure visitors, but Babylon’s ‘progeny and posterity’ are gone forever” (A book for all people, 1997, page 29). Hmm…so when the bible said it would be uninhabited, I guess that was with the one caveat that it may be a tourist attraction one day. Using this reasoning, I’d like to visit that uninhabited ghost town known as Las Vegas one day.

I Met One of My Heroes

On Saturday, 22Mar08, I attended the 20th annual American Atheists Conference. I went, along with my pal Ryan, thinking it would be mildly interesting. Well, I was wrong.

It was freakin' awesome.

Ryan and I attended only one day of the conference. It began with a discussion by the president of MN Atheists on the work they are doing to insure separation of church & state at a state level. Specifically, a bill was proposed in the House calling for funds to be allocated for separate meals in public schools for those whose religion calls for it. The MN Atheist President pointed out the folly of pursuing this route by appealing to the Democrats on the basis of separation of church and state and appealing to the Republicans on the basis of how much money it will cost (and personal responsibility in regards diet). The bill died in session.

Other discussions included a hilarious rant on the ridiculous beliefs of the relgious right. (One book advocated preventing homosexual tendencies in your child by taking him in the shower with you and showing him your similar, but larger, penis. I guess this advise was meant for fathers.) Another speaker detailed his discoveries in Israel regarding the myth of Nazareth.

In between each talk was a 15-20 minute break, during which time we hobnobbed with others, visited the booths, and spent our meager funds on books and t-shirts and grabbed all manner of freebies. Ryan quickly developed a crush on the woman behind the communism table, and I developed a crush on the books she was selling.

The highlight of the day, however, was the talk "A Cosmic Mystery Story", given by Dr. Lawrence Krauss. Larry (as I call him), excitedly regaled us with words and images about the history of Dark Matter - beginning with Einstein's "Greatest Blunder", Hubble's discovery of a non-static universe, and the debate between flat- vs. open- vs. closed-universes. He next explored the mystery of dark matter - how we know it's there and so forth. This was, hands down, the best talk I have ever heard, both on subject matter and speaking ability. (Possible exception: Mike Lewis' March 1996 talk "Local Needs". Just Kidding.)

In case you haven't figured it out yet: Larry is one of my heroes. He was the main reason why I purchased a ticket for the event. I've read several of his books, my favorite being "The Physics of Star Trek". His reads are always enjoyable, and I decided to buy his latest book, "Hiding in the Mirror", sight unseen while there.

After his talk, I lined up to have him sign both the new book & my tattered old copy of "Physics of Star Trek". I told him it was honor to met him, and he not only signed both my books (In "Star Trek", he told me to 'live long and prosper'), but agreed to have his photo taken with me. Unfortunately, I only had my cell phone's camera with me, which evidently erases people's upper lips, but, anyway, here's the picture as proof...



The Conference ended with an 'ask the experts' round table, where submitted questions were answered by experts. One of the experts had to cancel due to sudden illness, so guess who took her spot? Richard Dawkins! He had spoken at the Conference the day before and not hearing him speak was one of my biggest regrets about not attending Friday's session. Anyway, Dawkins spoke only briefly (when questions suited his area of expertise), but he spoke with such eloquence, such intellect, that I was happy to hear him for the little time that I did. Ryan totally whored himself out to Dawkins by buying a t-shirt, having him sign it, and then shooting footage of Dawkins as he spoke. I am hereby sending out a request to Ryan that he upload said footage sometime this decade.

Anyway, I don't know where the Conference is to be held next year, but I'm gonna put forth an effort to attend.

From 31Mar08 Chemical and Engineering News

Here’s a couple of fascinating things I just learned. I wanted to provide links to these articles but, alas, you can only get to the article if you have a subscription to Chemical & Engineering News, and I doubt everyone does.

1) How can the squid, with its very soft body, not manage to hurt itself with that tough beak?
The article says “you can imagine the problems you’d encounter if you attached a knife blade to a block of Jell-O and tried to use that blade for cutting. The blade would cut through the Jell-O at least as much as the targeted object”.
Turns out, the beak’s stiffness gradually from the tip to the base. In fact, the base is some 100 times more flexible than the tip, which reduces impact on the cheek tissue near the beak’s base.

2) Organic Brew found on Enceladus.
Usually, when scientists speak of finding life elsewhere in the solar system, they are speaking of Mars, Titan or Europa. So, it’s quite a find to have discovered that parts of Saturn’s satellite Enceladus are about 63 degrees (F) warmer than previously thought. And, there are water vapors and organic chemicals near the southern polar region, a recent Cassini flyby found. These molecules are present some 20x more dense then was expected and include such compounds as carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide.
Some smart guy at JPL said: “We have quite a recipe for life on our hands, but we have yet to find the final ingredient, liquid water”.
I just think it’s pretty cool that we’re exploring the universe and yet we still manage to find surprises in our own back yard.