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Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Friday, January 16, 2009
A Letter to My Third Least-Favorite Retailer
Dear Best Buy:
Last year, for the first time in over a decade, I entered your store and made a purchase. I had decided not to shop at Best Buy after disastrous customer service in the past, but my wife insisted that your company would have the best buy on TVs and, well, you did. Through a series of coincidences, I also came in to possession of a $100 Best Buy gift card and a coupon for 40% the purchase of a GPS. This coupon, incidentally, I discovered while geocaching with a friend in Frontenac State Park. There was an entire book of Best Buy GPS coupons, along with a flyer explaining that Best Buy was working with the State Park system to encourage geocaching (and requesting that each individual only take one coupon).
Needless to say, I was exciting. I enjoy geocaching but, lacking a GPS, I either have to go with a friend that does have a GPS or try to locate the caches via print-outs (not terribly successful).
So, in September, I went in to the Eagan Best Buy. Neither of the two employees who I spoke with that day even knew what geocaching was. They were thus unable to answer my questions about the various GPSs. I asked if they could show me how one particular model worked and, after pressing random buttons for five minutes, the employee said: “Well, these are new, so we haven’t been trained on them yet”. I left without buying anything.
I searched online for the models that I felt would work best and then visited the Maple Grove location. The employee who approached me also had no idea what geocaching was. I showed him print-outs of the two GPSs I liked best and told me that the store did not have them in stock. I asked him if another store in the area had one of the GPSs, and he shrugged his shoulders. So I asked him to show me a comparable model. He claimed ignorance and told me to wait for another employee. He went over to that employee (who was busy with other customers) and told him to help me next. After waiting ten minutes, I left the store empty-handed once again.
A few days later, my wife, who decided to buy a GPS for me for Christmas, visited the Mall of America location. They didn’t have the GPSs, either, and they were incapable of suggesting a similar model to my wife, saying that since the GPSs were new, they’d had little training on how to use them.
Two weeks before Christmas, I stopped at the Roseville location. The employee informed me that his store did not have either of the GPSs (which I found at Best Buy’s website) either. He knew how to look up the availability and told me that no store in the region had the GPSs in stock. (I could have ordered the GPSs on-line, but the coupon was only good for in-store purchases.) I asked him if he could suggest a comparable model, but, after playing around with a few GPSs for 15 minutes, declared that he lacked sufficient training. So I spent a half hour looking at the GPSs myself. Finally, I went up to the employee and said: “If you can show me how this GPS works, I will buy it.” He was unable how to show me how to perform even the simplest function. (To me, this is akin to asking a phone salesperson how to make a phone call on a particular phone, and having them say they don’t know how.) So then I said: “Listen, if you can find any employee in this store who knows how to use this GPS, I will buy it right now.” He walked up to a couple of employees and cursorily asked them if they knew how to use GPSs, but they both shook their heads ‘no’ and continued on with their conversations.
Figuring that the Roseville store was unusual in this regard, I returned to the Eagan store. Again, no one knew how the GPS I had selected functioned. The day before Christmas, I stopped at the Apple Valley location, but, again, no employee knew even the most basic workings of a GPS.
On January 1st, the coupon expired. My wife and I visited the Apple Valley Best Buy and used our $100 gift card on various trivial items.
I am completely astonished that I did not purchase a GPS. With my gift card and coupon, a $500 GPS would have only cost me $200 out-of-pocket. I really wanted one. And yet, no employee – at five different locations – was able to competently demonstrate this device.
I hope this letter serves to make you aware of the need to train your employees on the use of the items they sell. Particularly in tougher financial times, customers are not likely to make six trips to five different locations to purchase an item they don’t really need.
As for me, I am considering swearing off Best Buy once again, having been stridently reminded of the poor service I experienced there in the past. If you can offer any help in the area of acquiring a GPS, I’d appreciate it.
Thanks for your time.
Last year, for the first time in over a decade, I entered your store and made a purchase. I had decided not to shop at Best Buy after disastrous customer service in the past, but my wife insisted that your company would have the best buy on TVs and, well, you did. Through a series of coincidences, I also came in to possession of a $100 Best Buy gift card and a coupon for 40% the purchase of a GPS. This coupon, incidentally, I discovered while geocaching with a friend in Frontenac State Park. There was an entire book of Best Buy GPS coupons, along with a flyer explaining that Best Buy was working with the State Park system to encourage geocaching (and requesting that each individual only take one coupon).
Needless to say, I was exciting. I enjoy geocaching but, lacking a GPS, I either have to go with a friend that does have a GPS or try to locate the caches via print-outs (not terribly successful).
So, in September, I went in to the Eagan Best Buy. Neither of the two employees who I spoke with that day even knew what geocaching was. They were thus unable to answer my questions about the various GPSs. I asked if they could show me how one particular model worked and, after pressing random buttons for five minutes, the employee said: “Well, these are new, so we haven’t been trained on them yet”. I left without buying anything.
I searched online for the models that I felt would work best and then visited the Maple Grove location. The employee who approached me also had no idea what geocaching was. I showed him print-outs of the two GPSs I liked best and told me that the store did not have them in stock. I asked him if another store in the area had one of the GPSs, and he shrugged his shoulders. So I asked him to show me a comparable model. He claimed ignorance and told me to wait for another employee. He went over to that employee (who was busy with other customers) and told him to help me next. After waiting ten minutes, I left the store empty-handed once again.
A few days later, my wife, who decided to buy a GPS for me for Christmas, visited the Mall of America location. They didn’t have the GPSs, either, and they were incapable of suggesting a similar model to my wife, saying that since the GPSs were new, they’d had little training on how to use them.
Two weeks before Christmas, I stopped at the Roseville location. The employee informed me that his store did not have either of the GPSs (which I found at Best Buy’s website) either. He knew how to look up the availability and told me that no store in the region had the GPSs in stock. (I could have ordered the GPSs on-line, but the coupon was only good for in-store purchases.) I asked him if he could suggest a comparable model, but, after playing around with a few GPSs for 15 minutes, declared that he lacked sufficient training. So I spent a half hour looking at the GPSs myself. Finally, I went up to the employee and said: “If you can show me how this GPS works, I will buy it.” He was unable how to show me how to perform even the simplest function. (To me, this is akin to asking a phone salesperson how to make a phone call on a particular phone, and having them say they don’t know how.) So then I said: “Listen, if you can find any employee in this store who knows how to use this GPS, I will buy it right now.” He walked up to a couple of employees and cursorily asked them if they knew how to use GPSs, but they both shook their heads ‘no’ and continued on with their conversations.
Figuring that the Roseville store was unusual in this regard, I returned to the Eagan store. Again, no one knew how the GPS I had selected functioned. The day before Christmas, I stopped at the Apple Valley location, but, again, no employee knew even the most basic workings of a GPS.
On January 1st, the coupon expired. My wife and I visited the Apple Valley Best Buy and used our $100 gift card on various trivial items.
I am completely astonished that I did not purchase a GPS. With my gift card and coupon, a $500 GPS would have only cost me $200 out-of-pocket. I really wanted one. And yet, no employee – at five different locations – was able to competently demonstrate this device.
I hope this letter serves to make you aware of the need to train your employees on the use of the items they sell. Particularly in tougher financial times, customers are not likely to make six trips to five different locations to purchase an item they don’t really need.
As for me, I am considering swearing off Best Buy once again, having been stridently reminded of the poor service I experienced there in the past. If you can offer any help in the area of acquiring a GPS, I’d appreciate it.
Thanks for your time.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Good-bye 2008, I hardly knew ye
Well, good-bye 2008.
GOALS:
I’m happy to say I met some of my goals for the year, including: read Tom Sawyer; read Huckleberry Finn; run in a race; continue learning guitar; and finish the first draft of my book. Some goals, I didn’t make at all, such as: learn to yo-yo; brush up on my German; and edit our wedding video. Oh well.
One of the goals I listed for the year was: Create at least one new film. I’m happy to say I made TEN new films in 2008, and with two films from the year still needing to be edited, that number could bump up as high as 12. So, totally kicked ass at that goal.
I also had a goal of writing for a newsletter/magazine. I met this goal in April, when I wrote a short article for Minnesota Atheist Newsletter about an upcoming speaker. But I did even better when I wrote a review of the film WALL-E (see below), an essay on the definition of “atheism” and two on-line articles:one about Christmas and one discussing the Catholic Church’s forgiveness of John Lennon. That Christmas article was also accepted for posting at the Rake and Memoirs of a Godless Heathen. My definition of atheism essay was also published in the PIQUE (a secular humanist newsletter based in New York). I hope to do better with my writing in 2009. Things are looking promising. Century College accepted an essay I wrote to be published in their book “Breathing In” this spring.
8 GREAT DAYS IN 2008:
March 22nd – Attended “American Atheists Convention” in Minneapolis with my friend Ryan. Got to meet Dr. Krauss, bought some awesome books, a fun t-shirt & Ryan introduced me to Baja Sol (a great Mexican fast food place). Also, it was nice to hear some mentally-stimulating talks for once.
May 14th – Jennifer and I celebrated Owen’s birthday with him by taking him to Nickelodeon Universe, Underwater Adventures and the Rainforest Café. A nice break in the middle of the week.
May 18th – Heard Grant Steves speak on cults, then hurried back home for Owen’s birthday party.
August 14th – Owen and I checked out the Twin Cities’ Railroad Train Museum, had lunch at Jimmy Johns, visited the library & hung out at a park we’d never been to…just for the heck of it. Another weekday well spent. Bonus: Owen fell asleep fast and easy that night.
August 25th – Jennifer and I visited Fort Snelling along with her immediate family. Got in for free, there were no crowds and we had a fun time. Afterwards, Jennifer’s parents treated us to dinner for our anniversary.
September 21st – A free day at Valleyfair thanks to my place of employment. The day was made even better spending it with two old friends and one new friend.
December 21st – Jennifer, Owen and I froze our asses off at Murphy’s Landing. A very cultural and appropriate (considering the season) activity. Bundled up under blankets with hot tea and cocoa when we got home.
December 25th – Happy Birthday, baby Jesus! The three of us traded gifts with each other, then drove to Jennifer’s parents’ house for more holiday fun, then off to her Uncle and Aunt’s place where the whole family celebrated. I played Wii, board games, the dice game, ate, drank & made eye contact with my wife everytime someone said something “Catholic”.
ONE LOUSY DAY IN 2008:
Okay, there were many, including my recent two hour+15 minute commute home. But the booby prize has to go to…
March 7th – Yeah, I was happy to be leaving Big Lake, but not happy to wake up the sickest I was all year. I felt like passing out on the table during closing, and especially enjoyed learnin the man buying the house was a curmudgeon, then used what little strength I had to finish packing, then had to go pick up a moving truck (did I mention it was below zero?). I didn’t even have the strength to pull the ramp out of the truck I was so sick. Jennifer’s sister helped, but this meant I had to watch two toddlers. We had less help than we predicted, so it took a long time to load the truck. In the cold darkness, I nervously drove the big truck an hour away, with Jennifer driving behind, calling me to let me know when it was saft to change lanes. Her parents met us at the aparment long after their bedtime, and we unloaded the truck. Finally, at 11:00, I had to drive the truck an hour back to Big Lake. It was so cold, my frozen hands couldn’t locate where to plug in the truck, so I had to set my alarm for every two hours that night. I’d get up, don my coat and boots over my pajamas, then go sit in the truck for 15 minutes while it idled. A bad, bad day.
CINEMATIC EXPERIENCES:
I saw six films at the theater in 2008 (okay, I actually saw seven – but I’m excluding Sweeney Todd as it was from 2007): 2 animated, 2 documentaries, 2 big-budget blockbusters. I’m happy to report they were all well worth the money (particularly The Dark Knight, which my friend Ryan paid for). Allow me to detail…
U2:3D – Holy cow! This documentary didn’t let up. I was actually hoping for it to chill out for a few minutes just so my heart rate would stop. I saw this at the iMax, which undoubtedly helped. Still, sweet footage, first-rate music. A
Horton Hears a Who – For the first time in nearly two years, my son joined my wife and I at the theater. I am pleased to report that he enjoyed himself to remain seated through the entire showing. A good movie based on a great book – way better than the film version of The Grinch. B+
Indiana Jones and the Obnoxiously Long Title – Decent fourth (but woefully delayed) outing in a great series. Better than Temple of Doom, not as good as Raiders or Last Crusade. Probably the worst of the six films I’m listing here, but still, worth a look. B
WALL-E – The best Pixar film ever (and that’s saying something), WALL-E was so fraught with cinematic bliss I didn’t even have time to realize how much it made me think until it was over. Unique among the films I saw at the theater in 2008, WALL-E was promptly added to my list of 50 best motion pictures of all time (Sorry, Rebecca, you’ve dropped off the list, but I still have a place in my heart for you). A+
The Dark Knight – Another outing at the iMax, Dark Knight was the best Batman film ever (though that’s not saying much). I jumped, I gasped, I gripped the armrest, I wondered why in hell they bothered with the two-face storyline. B
Religulous – Bill Maher is so full of himself, I thought I was watching Michael Moore at times. Regardless, Maher humorously made some excellent (and, at times, uncomfortable) points, culminating in his 10 minute Armageddon-back-dropped tirade against religion. Though I suspect he’s just preaching to the choir (pun intended), any movie that exposes religion as the pernicious fairy-tale that it is is alright in my book. B+
Of course, not every movie I saw this year was at the theater. The best film we rented was United 93, which, I think, is not only the first time I viewed a drama based on a historical event that happened in my lifetime (I’m just a tad too young for All the President’s Men to fit that bill), but also blurred the line between fiction and non-fiction. I had to make room for this amazing film on my top 50 list (Sorry, Mary Poppins, guess you’re not practically perfect in every way).
The worst film I saw this year was Umberto D, which is one of those films that film snobs watch so they can maintain their snobbiness. It was long, depressing and pointless. Oh – I guess I should mention Casper: A Spirited Beginning, which was so god-awful (pun intended) that my wife and I couldn’t even finish it.
LANGUAGE:
2008’s word of the year: GEOCACHING.
GOALS:
I’m happy to say I met some of my goals for the year, including: read Tom Sawyer; read Huckleberry Finn; run in a race; continue learning guitar; and finish the first draft of my book. Some goals, I didn’t make at all, such as: learn to yo-yo; brush up on my German; and edit our wedding video. Oh well.
One of the goals I listed for the year was: Create at least one new film. I’m happy to say I made TEN new films in 2008, and with two films from the year still needing to be edited, that number could bump up as high as 12. So, totally kicked ass at that goal.
I also had a goal of writing for a newsletter/magazine. I met this goal in April, when I wrote a short article for Minnesota Atheist Newsletter about an upcoming speaker. But I did even better when I wrote a review of the film WALL-E (see below), an essay on the definition of “atheism” and two on-line articles:one about Christmas and one discussing the Catholic Church’s forgiveness of John Lennon. That Christmas article was also accepted for posting at the Rake and Memoirs of a Godless Heathen. My definition of atheism essay was also published in the PIQUE (a secular humanist newsletter based in New York). I hope to do better with my writing in 2009. Things are looking promising. Century College accepted an essay I wrote to be published in their book “Breathing In” this spring.
8 GREAT DAYS IN 2008:
March 22nd – Attended “American Atheists Convention” in Minneapolis with my friend Ryan. Got to meet Dr. Krauss, bought some awesome books, a fun t-shirt & Ryan introduced me to Baja Sol (a great Mexican fast food place). Also, it was nice to hear some mentally-stimulating talks for once.
May 14th – Jennifer and I celebrated Owen’s birthday with him by taking him to Nickelodeon Universe, Underwater Adventures and the Rainforest Café. A nice break in the middle of the week.
May 18th – Heard Grant Steves speak on cults, then hurried back home for Owen’s birthday party.
August 14th – Owen and I checked out the Twin Cities’ Railroad Train Museum, had lunch at Jimmy Johns, visited the library & hung out at a park we’d never been to…just for the heck of it. Another weekday well spent. Bonus: Owen fell asleep fast and easy that night.
August 25th – Jennifer and I visited Fort Snelling along with her immediate family. Got in for free, there were no crowds and we had a fun time. Afterwards, Jennifer’s parents treated us to dinner for our anniversary.
September 21st – A free day at Valleyfair thanks to my place of employment. The day was made even better spending it with two old friends and one new friend.
December 21st – Jennifer, Owen and I froze our asses off at Murphy’s Landing. A very cultural and appropriate (considering the season) activity. Bundled up under blankets with hot tea and cocoa when we got home.
December 25th – Happy Birthday, baby Jesus! The three of us traded gifts with each other, then drove to Jennifer’s parents’ house for more holiday fun, then off to her Uncle and Aunt’s place where the whole family celebrated. I played Wii, board games, the dice game, ate, drank & made eye contact with my wife everytime someone said something “Catholic”.
ONE LOUSY DAY IN 2008:
Okay, there were many, including my recent two hour+15 minute commute home. But the booby prize has to go to…
March 7th – Yeah, I was happy to be leaving Big Lake, but not happy to wake up the sickest I was all year. I felt like passing out on the table during closing, and especially enjoyed learnin the man buying the house was a curmudgeon, then used what little strength I had to finish packing, then had to go pick up a moving truck (did I mention it was below zero?). I didn’t even have the strength to pull the ramp out of the truck I was so sick. Jennifer’s sister helped, but this meant I had to watch two toddlers. We had less help than we predicted, so it took a long time to load the truck. In the cold darkness, I nervously drove the big truck an hour away, with Jennifer driving behind, calling me to let me know when it was saft to change lanes. Her parents met us at the aparment long after their bedtime, and we unloaded the truck. Finally, at 11:00, I had to drive the truck an hour back to Big Lake. It was so cold, my frozen hands couldn’t locate where to plug in the truck, so I had to set my alarm for every two hours that night. I’d get up, don my coat and boots over my pajamas, then go sit in the truck for 15 minutes while it idled. A bad, bad day.
CINEMATIC EXPERIENCES:
I saw six films at the theater in 2008 (okay, I actually saw seven – but I’m excluding Sweeney Todd as it was from 2007): 2 animated, 2 documentaries, 2 big-budget blockbusters. I’m happy to report they were all well worth the money (particularly The Dark Knight, which my friend Ryan paid for). Allow me to detail…
U2:3D – Holy cow! This documentary didn’t let up. I was actually hoping for it to chill out for a few minutes just so my heart rate would stop. I saw this at the iMax, which undoubtedly helped. Still, sweet footage, first-rate music. A
Horton Hears a Who – For the first time in nearly two years, my son joined my wife and I at the theater. I am pleased to report that he enjoyed himself to remain seated through the entire showing. A good movie based on a great book – way better than the film version of The Grinch. B+
Indiana Jones and the Obnoxiously Long Title – Decent fourth (but woefully delayed) outing in a great series. Better than Temple of Doom, not as good as Raiders or Last Crusade. Probably the worst of the six films I’m listing here, but still, worth a look. B
WALL-E – The best Pixar film ever (and that’s saying something), WALL-E was so fraught with cinematic bliss I didn’t even have time to realize how much it made me think until it was over. Unique among the films I saw at the theater in 2008, WALL-E was promptly added to my list of 50 best motion pictures of all time (Sorry, Rebecca, you’ve dropped off the list, but I still have a place in my heart for you). A+
The Dark Knight – Another outing at the iMax, Dark Knight was the best Batman film ever (though that’s not saying much). I jumped, I gasped, I gripped the armrest, I wondered why in hell they bothered with the two-face storyline. B
Religulous – Bill Maher is so full of himself, I thought I was watching Michael Moore at times. Regardless, Maher humorously made some excellent (and, at times, uncomfortable) points, culminating in his 10 minute Armageddon-back-dropped tirade against religion. Though I suspect he’s just preaching to the choir (pun intended), any movie that exposes religion as the pernicious fairy-tale that it is is alright in my book. B+
Of course, not every movie I saw this year was at the theater. The best film we rented was United 93, which, I think, is not only the first time I viewed a drama based on a historical event that happened in my lifetime (I’m just a tad too young for All the President’s Men to fit that bill), but also blurred the line between fiction and non-fiction. I had to make room for this amazing film on my top 50 list (Sorry, Mary Poppins, guess you’re not practically perfect in every way).
The worst film I saw this year was Umberto D, which is one of those films that film snobs watch so they can maintain their snobbiness. It was long, depressing and pointless. Oh – I guess I should mention Casper: A Spirited Beginning, which was so god-awful (pun intended) that my wife and I couldn’t even finish it.
LANGUAGE:
2008’s word of the year: GEOCACHING.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Another Half Read
Almost always, if I read past, say, page 10, I finish a book. After reading the reviews of the book, the back cover (yes, I do judge books by their covers), and scanning the Table of Contents, I plunge into books full well expecting to finish them. Even if the book is sub-expectations, I like to finish it (just as I endeavor to finish all movies I start) if for no other reason than to put it on my list of books I’ve read and to have the freedom to dismantle its lousy content.
It is with great regret, therefore, that I must report that I did not – and will not – finish reading “Star Wars on Trial”. I mean, it sounded promising: an entire book featuring a mock courtroom drama in which prosecution and defense deconstruct the merits, morals and meaning of some of the greatest (New Hope, Empire Strikes Back) and worst (Phantom Menace) films of all time.
Why not finish?
For starters, there were two introductions. I always read the introductions, for reasons stated above (see par. 1), but let’s be honest: no one wants to read the introduction. It’s like the instruction manual for a video game: just a necessary how-to that everyone wants to skip. So having two was, well, a terrible kick-off. As were the opening statements (essentially a phase-two of an introduction) that lasted until page EIGHTY-ONE!
I also assumed, judging from the fact that a mock courtroom is displayed on the book’s cover (and the fact that the judge is named “Droid Judge”), that the text would read like we were in a courtroom. But the book’s authors constantly referenced the book itself. For example, when one lawyer asked for a moment to respond to an allegation, the judge said, “Try to limit yourself to half a page”. This line would have been way better had it been “Try to limit yourself to one minute”, thereby maintaining the illusion of being in a courtroom.
Worse, the authors began by saying anything in the six films were fair game, but then constantly referenced books, comics and other Star Wars paraphernalia that lost me, and served as a constant reminder that we were not in the Star Wars Universe but were, instead, reading a book about some stuff George Lucas makes money off of. One author seemed to think it was worthy of note that he had authored to novel version of Revenge of the Sith – so much so that he cited his “credential” three times. He also claimed to have insider information from Lucas himself that verified his claims, but simultaneously (and frustratingly) claimed to be unable to divulge this special information. Sounds a lot like religion to me: “Star Wars is the best film ever made, and I know because God told me, but I can’t tell you how God told me…”
But the straw that broke this tauntaun’s back was this: twice in the first 70 pages, the authors took the opportunity to cite as evidence of Star Wars’ importance, the fact that the reader was reading the book! Sorry, that doesn’t hold up. Any book can say “My thesis is very important, and I cite as proof the fact that you bothered to read this sentence” But that’s wasn’t enough, evidently. Realizing that not everyone who is reading the book has purchased the book, the author’s twice stepped aside from the arguments to downgrade persons who were reading the book but had not purchased it. On page 77 they said: “YOU! Yeah, YOU! Don’t just sit there sipping that latte! BUY this book, you cheap bastard-!”
Okay, this is just unacceptable. I did not steal the book, I checked it out of the library. The authors were under no compulsion to make their work available at the library, but they did. Further, I pay all sorts of taxes – some of which goes to the library…and thus to authors for the sale of their book to the library. Further, I only buy books that I am sure I will either reread, or reference repeatedly for years to come. As such, most books I buy are books that I HAVE ALREADY READ. Yeah, that’s right, far from being a cheap bastard, I am simply a cautious consumer. I bought Animal Farm after having read it five times. And I’ve read it since. And Orwell never harassed me for not buying his book the moment it went on sale at Barnes & Noble.
Bottom line…
The idea of “Star Wars on Trial”…A
Execution of that idea…F
It is with great regret, therefore, that I must report that I did not – and will not – finish reading “Star Wars on Trial”. I mean, it sounded promising: an entire book featuring a mock courtroom drama in which prosecution and defense deconstruct the merits, morals and meaning of some of the greatest (New Hope, Empire Strikes Back) and worst (Phantom Menace) films of all time.
Why not finish?
For starters, there were two introductions. I always read the introductions, for reasons stated above (see par. 1), but let’s be honest: no one wants to read the introduction. It’s like the instruction manual for a video game: just a necessary how-to that everyone wants to skip. So having two was, well, a terrible kick-off. As were the opening statements (essentially a phase-two of an introduction) that lasted until page EIGHTY-ONE!
I also assumed, judging from the fact that a mock courtroom is displayed on the book’s cover (and the fact that the judge is named “Droid Judge”), that the text would read like we were in a courtroom. But the book’s authors constantly referenced the book itself. For example, when one lawyer asked for a moment to respond to an allegation, the judge said, “Try to limit yourself to half a page”. This line would have been way better had it been “Try to limit yourself to one minute”, thereby maintaining the illusion of being in a courtroom.
Worse, the authors began by saying anything in the six films were fair game, but then constantly referenced books, comics and other Star Wars paraphernalia that lost me, and served as a constant reminder that we were not in the Star Wars Universe but were, instead, reading a book about some stuff George Lucas makes money off of. One author seemed to think it was worthy of note that he had authored to novel version of Revenge of the Sith – so much so that he cited his “credential” three times. He also claimed to have insider information from Lucas himself that verified his claims, but simultaneously (and frustratingly) claimed to be unable to divulge this special information. Sounds a lot like religion to me: “Star Wars is the best film ever made, and I know because God told me, but I can’t tell you how God told me…”
But the straw that broke this tauntaun’s back was this: twice in the first 70 pages, the authors took the opportunity to cite as evidence of Star Wars’ importance, the fact that the reader was reading the book! Sorry, that doesn’t hold up. Any book can say “My thesis is very important, and I cite as proof the fact that you bothered to read this sentence” But that’s wasn’t enough, evidently. Realizing that not everyone who is reading the book has purchased the book, the author’s twice stepped aside from the arguments to downgrade persons who were reading the book but had not purchased it. On page 77 they said: “YOU! Yeah, YOU! Don’t just sit there sipping that latte! BUY this book, you cheap bastard-!”
Okay, this is just unacceptable. I did not steal the book, I checked it out of the library. The authors were under no compulsion to make their work available at the library, but they did. Further, I pay all sorts of taxes – some of which goes to the library…and thus to authors for the sale of their book to the library. Further, I only buy books that I am sure I will either reread, or reference repeatedly for years to come. As such, most books I buy are books that I HAVE ALREADY READ. Yeah, that’s right, far from being a cheap bastard, I am simply a cautious consumer. I bought Animal Farm after having read it five times. And I’ve read it since. And Orwell never harassed me for not buying his book the moment it went on sale at Barnes & Noble.
Bottom line…
The idea of “Star Wars on Trial”…A
Execution of that idea…F
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Coming to Terms
In October, I read an article (can’t find the link) that said being a President is a dangerous job; after all, one in four Presidents die while in office. I even parroted this statistic to others a few times. Later, I did some research, and, well this isn’t exactly true. And even if it was, it skews the intent of the message somewhat.
Let me explain…
First of all, eight men have died while serving as President. As of this writing, there have been 43 Presidents (I’m including Cleveland twice, because that’s the law). If you do a little math, you’ll see that’s not 1 in 4. It’s not even 1 in 5. It’s 1 in 5.375. But wait! Maybe the writer of that article meant to say that 1 in 4 Presidents didn’t finish the job. There’s a subtle difference here, but by phrasing it this way, we can also include Nixon, who didn’t finish the job he was elected to do…but certainly lived to tell about it (he lived for 19 more years). And then there’s Bush Jr. Perhaps we shouldn’t count him at all, because he hasn’t finished the job…yet. So, if exclude W as a President, and include Nixon as someone who didn’t finish the job, this means 9 out of 42 Presidents didn’t succeed in seeing out the end of their term. This still isn’t 1 in 4, but it’s a hell of a lot closer: It’s 1 in 4.666666666666666666666666666666.
But I still have some problems with this. First of all, is it really fair to say 9 out of 42 presidents failed to finish their term when some of those people only became president because their predecessor died or resigned? I mean, Ford only became president because Nixon resigned. If Nixon hadn’t quit, there wouldn’t have been a President Ford. So maybe we should exclude from our list VPs who rose to the office of Presidency upon the death or resignation of their President. But then I think we should add back in Teddy Roosevelt, Calvin Coolidge, Harry Truman and LBJ because, even though they initially rose to president due to death, they still did get elected in their own right later. So if we exclude the 5 people who only finished out a term that was not theirs, we find that 9 out of 37 Presidents did not make it to the end of their term. This, my friends, is very close to 1 in 4.
But wait! The whole premise is flawed here.
I mean, sure, it’s fair to say JFK didn’t finish the job the country asked him to do, but can we say the same about FDR? The man was elected to the Presidency four times, and he did manage to live through three of them. For my money, a guy who lives out three terms is more successful than someone like, say, Carter, who was only elected once.
So, instead of looking at how many men survived their presidency, I propose we look at terms. That is, when the populous/electoral college/congress/Supreme Court asks a person to become president (whether for the first, second, third or fourth time), do they manage to stay in office for those four years*?
Since 1789, there have been 55 presidential terms**. During that time, 37 different men have been elected to the position. The question is: how many of those terms were completed successfully? Or, put differently, how many of those terms were completed by the same man who started them?
Let’s find out by utilizing the greatest tool known to humankind: the list.
[BIG SURPRISE: THIS SHITTY BLOG PROGRAM DOESN'T ALLOW FORMATTED LISTS. OH WELL.]
As you can deduce, the answer is that 45 of the 54 completed terms have been successfully carried out by the person selected to do the job.
Now for some trivia: There have never been back-to-back unsuccessful terms.
The closest the nation ever came to this was in the 1840s. The 14th term was not successful (William Harrison died in office). Neither was the 16th (Zachary Taylor died in office). Kudos to James Polk for staying alive during the entire 15th term.
When was the longest streak of successful terms? The answer, by a comfortable margin, is: right at the beginning. The first 13 terms were successfully completed by the first 8 men elected to them. The second-longest streak is currently happening: the last seven terms have been successful. And, unless the rapture occurs in the next 60 days, Bush Jr. will bring that total up to eight.
*Any list of President’s requires, by law, at least two footnotes. So here’s the first one: Washington’s and Roosevelt’s first terms were both shortened slightly due to altering the date of subsequent inaugurations. Therefore, these two terms were not a full four years. I’m still counting them as successful, though.
**And here’s the second one.
Let me explain…
First of all, eight men have died while serving as President. As of this writing, there have been 43 Presidents (I’m including Cleveland twice, because that’s the law). If you do a little math, you’ll see that’s not 1 in 4. It’s not even 1 in 5. It’s 1 in 5.375. But wait! Maybe the writer of that article meant to say that 1 in 4 Presidents didn’t finish the job. There’s a subtle difference here, but by phrasing it this way, we can also include Nixon, who didn’t finish the job he was elected to do…but certainly lived to tell about it (he lived for 19 more years). And then there’s Bush Jr. Perhaps we shouldn’t count him at all, because he hasn’t finished the job…yet. So, if exclude W as a President, and include Nixon as someone who didn’t finish the job, this means 9 out of 42 Presidents didn’t succeed in seeing out the end of their term. This still isn’t 1 in 4, but it’s a hell of a lot closer: It’s 1 in 4.666666666666666666666666666666.
But I still have some problems with this. First of all, is it really fair to say 9 out of 42 presidents failed to finish their term when some of those people only became president because their predecessor died or resigned? I mean, Ford only became president because Nixon resigned. If Nixon hadn’t quit, there wouldn’t have been a President Ford. So maybe we should exclude from our list VPs who rose to the office of Presidency upon the death or resignation of their President. But then I think we should add back in Teddy Roosevelt, Calvin Coolidge, Harry Truman and LBJ because, even though they initially rose to president due to death, they still did get elected in their own right later. So if we exclude the 5 people who only finished out a term that was not theirs, we find that 9 out of 37 Presidents did not make it to the end of their term. This, my friends, is very close to 1 in 4.
But wait! The whole premise is flawed here.
I mean, sure, it’s fair to say JFK didn’t finish the job the country asked him to do, but can we say the same about FDR? The man was elected to the Presidency four times, and he did manage to live through three of them. For my money, a guy who lives out three terms is more successful than someone like, say, Carter, who was only elected once.
So, instead of looking at how many men survived their presidency, I propose we look at terms. That is, when the populous/electoral college/congress/Supreme Court asks a person to become president (whether for the first, second, third or fourth time), do they manage to stay in office for those four years*?
Since 1789, there have been 55 presidential terms**. During that time, 37 different men have been elected to the position. The question is: how many of those terms were completed successfully? Or, put differently, how many of those terms were completed by the same man who started them?
Let’s find out by utilizing the greatest tool known to humankind: the list.
[BIG SURPRISE: THIS SHITTY BLOG PROGRAM DOESN'T ALLOW FORMATTED LISTS. OH WELL.]
As you can deduce, the answer is that 45 of the 54 completed terms have been successfully carried out by the person selected to do the job.
Now for some trivia: There have never been back-to-back unsuccessful terms.
The closest the nation ever came to this was in the 1840s. The 14th term was not successful (William Harrison died in office). Neither was the 16th (Zachary Taylor died in office). Kudos to James Polk for staying alive during the entire 15th term.
When was the longest streak of successful terms? The answer, by a comfortable margin, is: right at the beginning. The first 13 terms were successfully completed by the first 8 men elected to them. The second-longest streak is currently happening: the last seven terms have been successful. And, unless the rapture occurs in the next 60 days, Bush Jr. will bring that total up to eight.
*Any list of President’s requires, by law, at least two footnotes. So here’s the first one: Washington’s and Roosevelt’s first terms were both shortened slightly due to altering the date of subsequent inaugurations. Therefore, these two terms were not a full four years. I’m still counting them as successful, though.
**And here’s the second one.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Letter to the CEO
Here is an email I sent to the CEO of my company two days after the election:
Dear XXXXXXX:
Thank you for the email sent out on Monday, reminding us of the importance of the election and urging us all to participate in the democratic process. In view of that email, I wanted to take the opportunity to tell you how things went in my department.
I was assigned several training samples to run through a method on Election Day. Due to the nature of the testing, I could not delay running the samples, nor could I split the work between two days. So, I awoke before 4:00 in the morning and got to work immediately upon arriving. I worked straight through without any breaks or lunch time. I realized the polls were open until 8:00 in my state, but I feared the lines would be long or that some other issue would arise at the poll.
But at least I was able to vote. A co-worker began testing over 100 samples that day (about double the normal number). These samples needed to be pulled for testing two, four and twelve hours after their initial drop into shakers. As you can imagine, this made for a very long day for my co-worker. He arrived at work shortly after I did and was still on the clock after 11:00 PM. He was never given the opportunity to vote.
Other co-workers arrived late or left early (cutting into their workdays and wages) in an effort to find the best time to vote. Still others did not participate in their usual carpooling (increasing their gas expenditures) so as to be freed up to visit the polls at an opportune time.
As this is a company that encourages us all to take the opportunity to vote, I think the above examples (all from one department) are inexcusable. No one should have to choose between wages or voting and no one should be so overtaxed with their workload on Election Day that they are unable to leave long enough to go vote.
One of my favorite benefits working at XXXXX is the time off for holidays, which is generous in comparison to other local corporations. Each year, we are granted eleven days of paid time off to celebrate certain days as we see fit. I propose that, in election years, one of these eleven days be assigned to Election Day. In this year, for example, we were given paid time off for Presidents' Day - a day most employees would probably not mind working. Again, I'm not implying that I did not appreciate having that day off, but given the choice, I would have opted to have Election Day off instead.
If assigning Election Day off is impractical, I recommend offering employees a Floating Holiday so that those who feel the need can use this on Election Day.
I know you are busy and I thank you for taking the time to read this. It is a pleasure to work here at XXXXXXXXX.
(No reply received as of 19Nov08.)
Dear XXXXXXX:
Thank you for the email sent out on Monday, reminding us of the importance of the election and urging us all to participate in the democratic process. In view of that email, I wanted to take the opportunity to tell you how things went in my department.
I was assigned several training samples to run through a method on Election Day. Due to the nature of the testing, I could not delay running the samples, nor could I split the work between two days. So, I awoke before 4:00 in the morning and got to work immediately upon arriving. I worked straight through without any breaks or lunch time. I realized the polls were open until 8:00 in my state, but I feared the lines would be long or that some other issue would arise at the poll.
But at least I was able to vote. A co-worker began testing over 100 samples that day (about double the normal number). These samples needed to be pulled for testing two, four and twelve hours after their initial drop into shakers. As you can imagine, this made for a very long day for my co-worker. He arrived at work shortly after I did and was still on the clock after 11:00 PM. He was never given the opportunity to vote.
Other co-workers arrived late or left early (cutting into their workdays and wages) in an effort to find the best time to vote. Still others did not participate in their usual carpooling (increasing their gas expenditures) so as to be freed up to visit the polls at an opportune time.
As this is a company that encourages us all to take the opportunity to vote, I think the above examples (all from one department) are inexcusable. No one should have to choose between wages or voting and no one should be so overtaxed with their workload on Election Day that they are unable to leave long enough to go vote.
One of my favorite benefits working at XXXXX is the time off for holidays, which is generous in comparison to other local corporations. Each year, we are granted eleven days of paid time off to celebrate certain days as we see fit. I propose that, in election years, one of these eleven days be assigned to Election Day. In this year, for example, we were given paid time off for Presidents' Day - a day most employees would probably not mind working. Again, I'm not implying that I did not appreciate having that day off, but given the choice, I would have opted to have Election Day off instead.
If assigning Election Day off is impractical, I recommend offering employees a Floating Holiday so that those who feel the need can use this on Election Day.
I know you are busy and I thank you for taking the time to read this. It is a pleasure to work here at XXXXXXXXX.
(No reply received as of 19Nov08.)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
A Good Question - Part Two
The other religion-centered question that was posed to me was this:
What kind of negative influence did the religion have on you?
This question, asked by a relative, was not asked in the spirit of sincere inquiry, but as a challenge. The reason for the challenge was because of something stupid I said. See, I was first asked why I would decide to leave the religion and, further, make my findings available on the web. My answer was two-fold: I left the religion because it is not true and because it has had a largely negative influence on my immediate family.
I’m not sure why I allowed my answer to ramble. The first part (because it’s not true) certainly would have sufficed. For example, if someone says: “Why don’t you believe the Earth is flat?”, a full, complete answer would be: “Because it’s not true”. You shouldn’t have to supplement it with “And because believing it’s flat is bad for my health.”
Nevertheless, that’s what I said, and that’s what my family member decided to jump on. I was soon reminded, however, that it’s impossible to ever point out to a Witness that their religion has a pernicious effect upon its members. This is because all evidence provided is dismissed into one of two categories: 1) You can’t blame the actions of some elders/pioneers/Bethelites on the religion as a whole. And 2) Your claim isn’t that bad.
Let me explain this with examples.
First, when I argued that one member of my family was subjected to child abuse at the hands of her (elder) father, my relative said: “Oh come on, you can’t point out what he did to his children and say that that’s a problem with the religion. He was acting out of line with what the religion teaches.” But this is a total cop-out. Matthew 7:16 declares “By their fruits you will know them”, and Jesus claimed that the identifying mark of his true disciples would be that they have love among themselves. Additionally, Witnesses love pointing out how united they are, so even if I was to grant that some elders have acted out of line with the official doctrine, this only serves as evidence that they are not united.
It’s funny, really, because as I ran down a litany of offenses elders have committed against my family, the person with whom I was talking knocked them all down as exceptions, aberrations, to the religion at large. Again: cop out! If I could list off a dozen elders that pushed their own opinion, abused their kids, empowered pedophiles, were over-eager to disfellowship, pushed their own opinions or caused members of my family to leave the meeting crying…then who’s to say those are the only twelve elders like that in the whole world?
My brother-in-law once compared the religion to a job, and I think his description was apt. Allow me to use it here: if your supervisor molested your kids, would you continue to work for him? And if you quit, would you keep silent about it?
Second, other arguments I threw up were swatted down as “not that bad”. It’s hard to qualify this. Especially in the mindset of a Witness, there is almost nothing a person could endure as a Witness that qualifies as “that bad”. For instance, many Witnesses died in Nazi-sponsored concentration camps. To a Witness, this is well worth it, as such people are practically guaranteed a place in paradise (sorry, no virgins in this paradise – quite the opposite, some Witnesses think that resurrected folks will be prohibited from sex). So, when I complained of being an outcast in school, not celebrating my birthday, wasting time in a pointless volunteer work and subjecting myself to the whims of elders, Witnesses just chalk this up to the kind of life we must endure in this wicked world. They argue that not celebrating a birthday isn’t that big of a deal (and maybe it’s not) and, further, that by not celebrating one’s birthday, a person is helping cement their relationship with Jehovah. And while most Witnesses would sympathize with being an outcast at school or work, they would say that such things are persecution orchestrated by the devil & that God will reward us appropriately in due time.
At any rate, I ended this portion of the conversation by stating that the negative influences were not what caused me to leave. It was, plain and simple, the fact that the religion is not true.
In a future post, perhaps, I will cite specific cases of how the religion was detrimental to my life.
What kind of negative influence did the religion have on you?
This question, asked by a relative, was not asked in the spirit of sincere inquiry, but as a challenge. The reason for the challenge was because of something stupid I said. See, I was first asked why I would decide to leave the religion and, further, make my findings available on the web. My answer was two-fold: I left the religion because it is not true and because it has had a largely negative influence on my immediate family.
I’m not sure why I allowed my answer to ramble. The first part (because it’s not true) certainly would have sufficed. For example, if someone says: “Why don’t you believe the Earth is flat?”, a full, complete answer would be: “Because it’s not true”. You shouldn’t have to supplement it with “And because believing it’s flat is bad for my health.”
Nevertheless, that’s what I said, and that’s what my family member decided to jump on. I was soon reminded, however, that it’s impossible to ever point out to a Witness that their religion has a pernicious effect upon its members. This is because all evidence provided is dismissed into one of two categories: 1) You can’t blame the actions of some elders/pioneers/Bethelites on the religion as a whole. And 2) Your claim isn’t that bad.
Let me explain this with examples.
First, when I argued that one member of my family was subjected to child abuse at the hands of her (elder) father, my relative said: “Oh come on, you can’t point out what he did to his children and say that that’s a problem with the religion. He was acting out of line with what the religion teaches.” But this is a total cop-out. Matthew 7:16 declares “By their fruits you will know them”, and Jesus claimed that the identifying mark of his true disciples would be that they have love among themselves. Additionally, Witnesses love pointing out how united they are, so even if I was to grant that some elders have acted out of line with the official doctrine, this only serves as evidence that they are not united.
It’s funny, really, because as I ran down a litany of offenses elders have committed against my family, the person with whom I was talking knocked them all down as exceptions, aberrations, to the religion at large. Again: cop out! If I could list off a dozen elders that pushed their own opinion, abused their kids, empowered pedophiles, were over-eager to disfellowship, pushed their own opinions or caused members of my family to leave the meeting crying…then who’s to say those are the only twelve elders like that in the whole world?
My brother-in-law once compared the religion to a job, and I think his description was apt. Allow me to use it here: if your supervisor molested your kids, would you continue to work for him? And if you quit, would you keep silent about it?
Second, other arguments I threw up were swatted down as “not that bad”. It’s hard to qualify this. Especially in the mindset of a Witness, there is almost nothing a person could endure as a Witness that qualifies as “that bad”. For instance, many Witnesses died in Nazi-sponsored concentration camps. To a Witness, this is well worth it, as such people are practically guaranteed a place in paradise (sorry, no virgins in this paradise – quite the opposite, some Witnesses think that resurrected folks will be prohibited from sex). So, when I complained of being an outcast in school, not celebrating my birthday, wasting time in a pointless volunteer work and subjecting myself to the whims of elders, Witnesses just chalk this up to the kind of life we must endure in this wicked world. They argue that not celebrating a birthday isn’t that big of a deal (and maybe it’s not) and, further, that by not celebrating one’s birthday, a person is helping cement their relationship with Jehovah. And while most Witnesses would sympathize with being an outcast at school or work, they would say that such things are persecution orchestrated by the devil & that God will reward us appropriately in due time.
At any rate, I ended this portion of the conversation by stating that the negative influences were not what caused me to leave. It was, plain and simple, the fact that the religion is not true.
In a future post, perhaps, I will cite specific cases of how the religion was detrimental to my life.
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